From a very young age I held heavy in my heart a deathly fear of anything which exited the body. Of course, there were the traditional exports which all children had listed in their heads in order of ascending grossness, including but not limited to: spit, snot, boogers, vomit, earwax, chewed food, eye boogers, poop, wee, farts, sometimes including toenails. So it was with utter disgust I witnessed my mother and her boyfriend kiss, what officially began as 'good-bye' kisses, progressed into 'hello' kisses, and soon became 'I-feel-like-kissing' kisses.

By this point I should have come to realize that gross things can only lead to more gross things, as my mother's hateful acts resulted in a baby, who exhibited the very height of my fears; upon exiting the womb- the very first sign of her apparently incurable disease or nastiness- began vomiting and pooping and weeing  and not even able to take proper care of her messes. As a result I now know 3 facts: anything that comes out of the body has no chance of retribution, gross acts lead to gross results, and it is impolite to stare in horror when people sneeze.